Recently the Curmudgeon signal was seen in the night sky, signaling a desperate call for Curmudgeon Man to come and solve a current problem. In the Cur Cave, however, no tights, mask or cape were donned. Curmudgeon Man dressed in ordinary clothing and shunned the Cur Car to walk the streets as an ordinary citizen in an effort to learn the truth.
Curmudgeon Man: “Sir, can you tell me whether it is true that Star Valley has added more “Gotcha!” cameras on their little strip of highway?”
Ordinary Citizen: “Absolutely! We’ll get rid of them outlaws yet! You have no idea of the many wrecks in town, and them speeders won’t allow a soul to cross the road until about 2 a.m.”
Cur: You have lots of wrecks and dangerous speeding in your little town?”
Cit: “You have no idea.”
Cur: “But I thought your campaign against speeding was intended to stop all that.”
Cit: “Only way we’re going to stop it is to put a net across the road, I reckon.”
Cur: “You charge a pretty hefty fine for speeding, don’t you? About $200.00 for a first offense?” You would think that would slow ’em down.”
Cit: “ No, Dummy, they’ve already sped Before we catch ‘em. Don’t you see?”
Cur: “Surely you give them plenty of warning.”
Cit: “Absolutely. They’s two signs coming into town from either direction, plain as day.”
Cur: “Easy to spot, are they?”
Cit: “Of course. They’s at least as big as the other ones around them. Maybe they don’t just jump out and grab you, but, if you’re looking for them, you’ll see them all right.”
Cur: “So you need to be looking for them?”
Cit: “You ain’t from around here, are you, boy?”
Cur: “I’m just trying to figure this out a bit. You say you have a real problem and you desperately want to slow down traffic passing through town, right?”
Cit: “Yep.”
Cur:” You’re not just trying to finance a small struggling budget with a lucrative money machine?”
Cit: “ Luc - whatever, We’re just doin’ what we have to do.”
Cur: “But really, all you are doing to slow speeders down is to place some small signs along the road, which are noticed by folks looking for them. Apparently that isn’t slowing anybody down ‘cause you are constantly having wrecks and can’t cross the road.”
Cit: ”Might have exaggerated the numbers a tad, but we got a problem, sure enough.”
Cur: “And the solution is to catch more speeders, after they have done the speeding?”
Cit: “Teach ‘em a lesson, yes sir.”
Cur: “What if you placed a patrol car at the entrance to town? What if you rented space on the large DOT electronic sign that hangs over the road to warn speeders to slow down? What if you greatly enlarged the warning signs you have now, and maybe even made them electronic? Would that have an effect on the speeders, do you think? In other words, what if you placed more emphasis on actually slowing them down instead of catching them after the fact?”
Cit: “And give ’em a break? That would mean they slowed down because they used good judgment, not because they were taught a lesson good and proper. You one of them liberal bed-wetters? Besides, what we do with our hard earned money ain’t nobody’s business but ours.“
Cur: “So you are putting in more cameras, even though, using the ones you have now, you say you still have a major problem with speeders. I can’t help thinking you are more interested in catching folks after the fact than you are in preventing the problem. That’s just me, I guess.”
Cit: “If you don’t live here, you have no idea of the outside threats we put up with all the time. We’re just trying to survive. If it ain’t stealing our water, it’s speeding through town. They don’t even want us to have our own newspaper, either. Look at that signal up in the sky, though! I’d say we have help on the way!”
Cur: “Good luck. I’d say you will solve your other problems long before you’re allowed another newspaper, though.”
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