WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Adding
a new wrinkle in an already unpredictable election year, Donald Trump
saw his poll numbers plummet on Monday after receiving a surprise
endorsement from President Barack Obama.
The
long-awaited downfall of the abrasive billionaire came in startling
fashion, as few had expected the President to offer a full-throated
endorsement of Trump, especially on the eve of the all-important Super
Tuesday primaries.
Praising
the Republican front-runner during a nationally televised address, the
President said that, despite media reports to the contrary, Trump shared
his views on such important issues as immigration and religious
tolerance. “In every way that matters, Donald and I are on exactly the
same page,” Obama said, pointing to a framed picture of the billionaire
on his Oval Office desk.
Concluding his endorsement with an emphatic closing argument, Obama said, “If you love me, vote for Trump.”
In
several G.O.P. polls taken after the President’s stunning endorsement,
Trump sank from first to fifth place, trailing the retired neurosurgeon
Ben Carson by several points.
As
news of the President’s endorsement spread, former Trump supporters
across the nation gathered to vent their anger, with some burning signs,
trucker hats, and other campaign paraphernalia at impromptu bonfires.
Harland
Dorrinson, who had attended a massive Trump rally in Alabama just a day
earlier, said that he now felt totally betrayed by the billionaire. “I
guess when all is said and done, Donald Trump was just too good to be
true,” he said.
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