Rim Country Gazette: POLL: Legalize pot, criminalize congress

U.S. Congress. (photo: Pablo Martinez/AP)

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

27 February 15
readersupportednews.org

y a huge majority, Americans support laws legalizing marijuana and criminalizing Congress, according to a poll released on Thursday.

While the poll reflects a relaxation of attitudes about recreational pot use, it also suggests that many Americans now view membership in Congress as a problem ravaging the nation.

Harland Dorrinson, an activist who has spent years mobilizing support for the criminalization of Congress, said that “this poll reinforces what many of us have been saying for a long time: Congress destroys lives.”

“I’ve seen productive members of society get involved with Congress and completely lose the will to work,” he said. “They just sit there, totally numb and out of touch with reality.”

He noted that the once prevalent view that membership in Congress was “harmless” is now being discredited. “If you look at what happens to someone’s brain after ten, twenty, or even thirty years in Congress, it’s devastating,” he said. “There is severe impairment.”

Additionally, he warned that Congress is a “gateway elective office” that leads many to try running for President.

Comments

+43 # ronnewmexico 2015-02-27 16:17

I find this really really funny, (no DEA or NSA I don't use this so don't waste your time trying to entrap me)…..thanks for providing it.

+12 # HowardMH 2015-02-28 11:11

Jon Stewart asked, " I mean this sincerely—how do you poison a cyanide factory?" I'm with Jon, how do you?

+54 # PeacefulGarden 2015-02-27 17:13

Can we please gerrymander a district somewhere in this USA (as RSN people) and then register a squirrel, mole, or duck for election to congress, then muster up enough votes to get that animal in congress. Perhaps cage the animal and give it a seat. I myself prefer the squirrel. A bunch of us could be aids to the squirrel. We need a squirrel in congress.

Gosh I need a joint. Anyone got one?

+50 # tedrey 2015-02-27 19:10

My cat considered the job but has turned it down. She already has the attitude down perfectly but prefers to carry it out lying in the sun.

+9 # HowardMH 2015-02-28 10:47

Maybe if we get enough mice we can convince her to take the job.

+26 # Old4Poor 2015-02-27 23:41

Unfortunately, there is a manditory age limitto be in Congress that only a few non human animals could attain, such as elephants.

+8 # futhark 2015-02-28 10:36

The donkey (or jackass), Equus africanus asinus, can achieve an age of 40 years if properly pampered. As a bonus, they are likely to be more economical to maintain than elephants and probably easier to train in case real work is needed. There would be no need for term limits, since the animal could not enter Congress before age 30 and would be unlikely to survive more than a decade. With an elephant, the representative may survive several decades in office, so term limits would definitely be in order.

+7 # Old4Poor 2015-02-28 12:55

Donkeys are also a bit easier to clean up after as they leave much smaller piles of poop.

0 # PeacefulGarden 2015-02-28 14:27

No donkeys. Go away. You are a very very bery nasty person. I am crying.

+3 # ronnewmexico 2015-02-28 10:58

This being fact…I want to be the first to nominate for congress….a juniper oak or pinon tree I have acquaintance.
Who says they do nothing??? And why should that matter,,,seems they would fit right in.

+1 # PeacefulGarden 2015-02-28 14:24

As long as that oak is in a cage, we need to make sure that the other oak trees don't get any ideas. Can there be squirrels in the oak tree?

Wait, are we getting totemic?

+7 # lilluc2 2015-02-28 07:30

"I myself prefer the squirrel. A bunch of us could be aids to the squirrel. We need a squirrel in congress."

I vote for the squirrel because everyone knows that, "Squirrels just wanna have fu-un oh oh squirrels just wanna have fun...that's what they waaant"

+7 # ritawalpoleague 2015-02-28 07:51

Could very well be the foreshadow of the next 'satirical' piece coming -

AMERICANS RELAXED BY LEGALIZED 'POT' IGNORE NEED FOR MASSIVE PROTEST/REVOLUT ION AGAINST FASCIST STATE'S 'ENDLESS WAR AND GREED' M.O.

+38 # DaveM 2015-02-27 23:02

Washington D.C. just legalized marijuana. How about if we require its use by members of Congress?

+17 # Old4Poor 2015-02-27 23:43

After watching the nonsense in recent days over funding DHS, I am tempted to concur. Some good members of Congress are giving up and leaving for more productive work, but we still have some dedicated people fighting on for all of us.

Love Andy's closing comment: “gateway elective office” that leads many to try running for President.

0 # John S. Browne 2015-02-28 02:41

#

What I find really interesting, and absurd, is the "DemoCON's" (I'm a constitutionali st) support of continuing the funding of DHS, a "neo-Nazi-Germa n", or neo-corporate-f ascist, agency if there ever was one, the existence of which is completely unconstitutiona l, and an agency that should be nothing but shut down, not continue to be funded! So, even though the "RethugliCONS" are playing their typical evil games, they are right that DHS should not continue to be funded. Thus, how can "DemoCONS" continue to fund it unless they too, along with the "RethugliCONS", are corporate-fasci sts and/or "neo-Nazi-Germa ns"? Of course, the truth is, they are. Both sides of the isle are bought and paid for corporate-fasci st globalists, destroying our country, and using "neo-Nazi-Germa n" agencies like DHS, and the unconstitutiona l "laws" that go along with it, to accomplish it.

ABOLISH THE DHS, NSA AND TSA, ALL OF THEIR GOVERNMENT-CONT RACTED "(IN)SECURITY" FIRMS, AND REPEAL ALL THE NEO-FASCIST, UNCONSTITUTIONA L "LAWS" ENABLING THEM!

SAVE LIBERTY, FREEDOM AND PRIVACY!

+2 # Old4Poor 2015-02-28 12:59

Agreed. I find the very title (very Nazi evoking) distasteful. It is the recent battle in which the most conservative who support all that kind of intrusive rot are voting against their own ideals that amuses me greatly. It has been a mess to watch.

0 # John S. Browne 2015-03-01 00:59

#

Thank you, but I don't find it "amus(ing)" AT ALL.

+20 # Thomas Martin 2015-02-27 23:45

Well, we see how low our opinion of Congress has slipped - but then, who campaigned for them and voted for them? ... you ... us ... "outside interests"? ... put your (our) effort into finding decent representatives and electing them ... otherwise, accept guilt

-10 # John S. Browne 2015-02-28 00:01

#

How 'bout, 'Congress favors legalizing itself and criminalizing pot'? It works either way.

0 # John S. Browne 2015-03-01 00:52

#

"Rhetorically-questioning", is it possible you "thumbs-downers " misunderstand my comment? If you think it likely that Congress is ever going to legalize pot (it's possible, but I don't see it happening), then you're living in a dreamworld. Congress is getting more and more fascist with each passing day, and you think that they're going to become "un-fascist" on that one particular thing? Get real! I would certainly like to see it happen, along with they're ending ALL of their increasing fascism, but I'm not holding my breath or living in a fantasy world that it's ever going to happen. Considering the level of their becoming more and more fascist, it is much more likely that they will continue on in that trend and become completely fascist (if they haven't already become such), not turn around and suddenly make the U.S. the opposite of fascist.

+7 # Rockster 2015-02-28 01:29

Actually , if original intent for members election and service in Congress; it was much closer to our jury service now! By the framers vision , most of current office holders Are illegal.

+15 # ericlipps 2015-02-28 06:18

It was Mark Twain, way back when, who observed tar Congress is America's only native criminal class.

+1 # Nel 2015-02-28 07:12

Viva Harland Dorrinson.

+6 # bingers 2015-02-28 07:23

"He's a corrupt politician." But I repeat myself.

+4 # indian weaver 2015-02-28 07:41

That's Scott Tipton, our congress man front row far right, asleep most likely. He's famous as a sleep walker, which is why he got into congress. Many of our citizens in Montezuma County are also fast asleep when they vote. Hence ... you get what you want: a perfect representative of yourself. Asleep at the wheel, that's Scottie! (R-CO, from Cortez, most southwestern town in the state - all ranching and farming, except for Scottie, no ranching or farming, only a low-life government apparatchik).

+8 # kando@ltidewater.net 2015-02-28 07:47

All this is fun, but can we apply our minds to getting out of this mess and developing a less corrupt form of governing ourselves? In the meantime, Andy, we surely need all the sense of humor we can muster. Thanks for triggering it.