Runaway renegade library staff takes TP away

It has been brought to our attention by several people that the Payson Public Library is now requiring patrons to request toilet paper at the front desk.

We ignored this situation initially because we remember once many years ago being chastised by then Roundup editor (a real editor, we might add) Jerry Thebado for making a joke about the Town of Payson’s waterless urinals that he called “toilet humor.”

We ignored this situation even though the initial report came in the form of a phone call from former Rim Country Gazette editor Carol La Valley, who was laughing so hard she could hardly talk. This is good stuff for one of your columns she said.

I’m pretty confident she didn’t give this tip to the Roundup because it’s just the kind of thing they wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole even though Thebado long ago flew the coop.

Anyway, we ran into Hal and Kathy Baas Friday evening and they noted that it’s difficult to request toilet paper from the front desk when you are using the facility after hours and the front desk is closed. They were apparently attending an evening meeting of some sort in the library meeting room. Clearly the new library policy had elevated into a classic Catch 22.

Now my journalistic curiosity was aroused, toilet humor be damned. I wondered if the Payson Town Council was aware of this new library policy, which, according to a sign on the bathroom doors, was instituted because of the theft of toilet paper.

Alas, my relationship with the current town leadership is in disarray. I have been openly critical of Mayor Kenny Evans’ extravagant claims about a four-year institution coming to Payson. I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call Kenny about a matter so trivial when he’s involved with building a $550 million “world class” university right here in River City.

And then there’s Town Manager Debra Galbraith. Ever since she tried to say that the Roundup was the official town newspaper and I reported that one citizen had to catch her outside on a smoke break we haven’t exactly been speaking.

But then, like a sign from above, I received an e-mail from Councilor Ed Blair, the lone holdover from the Edwards administration – the regime of the people that arose in conjunction with the Rim Country Gazette.

I hit REPLY and asked Blair what he knew about the library’s new TP policy. His response:

“I was in the bathroom after (the) CAC (meeting) last Thursday and the sign said, ‘Because of stealing of toilet paper, ask for some at the front desk.’

“Sounds like an embarrassing situation for the one needing to ask…

“I wonder if thievery couldn’t be prevented some other way. I’ve seen metal rods with big Master locks on both ends.”

(That’s Ed – always looking for a better way.)

So there you have it. The town council wasn’t consulted or informed. A runaway renegade library staff careening out of control has imposed its own TP policy on an unwary public. It’s time for action.

I could live with Ed’s solution, but there’s something about “big Master locks on both ends” that doesn’t fit with an institution of enlightenment.

Instead, I propose a massive campaign whereby we all donate a single roll of toilet paper to the Payson Public Library. And to get the ball rolling (or, should we say, “the roll rolling”) The Consort is picking ours up at Bashas’ today. I’ll try and get a photo of the actual first donation of toilet paper to run on the blog – unless, of course, the library doesn’t want the publicity – or the toilet paper.

And if that’s the case we need to resort to Plan B. Please allow me to quote from an earlier “Off the Rim” column about Phoebe, the toilet paper tube-burying dog that lives in Star Valley:

“In the early West, before the invention of toilet paper, corncobs and pages torn from newspapers and magazines were commonly employed. The Sears catalog was revered for this reason, and it generated a spinoff called the ‘Rears and Sorebutt’ catalog. The Farmer's Almanac even had a hole in it so it could be hung on a hook to facilitate its employment in the outhouse.”

My friends and fellow library patrons, this is an institution that houses books. Books are made up of pages of paper, much like the pages in a Sears catalog.

In this age of computers, surely the library could determine and then make available for this use a pile of the books that are least read. Some might see this application as a return to the Dark Ages of ignorance, but in the interest of public sanitation – not to mention saving patrons the embarrassment of having to request toilet paper from the front desk, this last resort plan might have to be implemented.

But not if we all drop off a roll of toilet paper at the library. Whatever your political persuasion, we can surely agree on this noble cause.

Now, it is time for action!