LONDON
(The Borowitz Report) - The Church of England, an institution whose
origins date back to the sixth century A.D., has far more modern views
about the rights of women than Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia,
experts said today. “In recognizing that women are the equals of
men, the Church of England has embraced a position that is centuries
ahead of Scalia’s,” Davis Logsdon, a professor of religion at the
University of Minnesota, said. “This is a remarkable achievement, given
that Scalia was born in 1936 and the Church began in the late five
hundreds.” But Dr. Carol Foyler, a history professor at
the University of Sussex, took issue with that assessment. “I date the
beginning of the Church of England to 1534, when it was officially
established under Henry VIII,” she said. “But regardless of whether the
Church is fourteen centuries old or five centuries old, it’s
unquestionably more modern than Scalia.” As for Justice Scalia, he seemed to dismiss the controversy, issuing a
terse official statement Monday afternoon. “I do not keep up with the
goings on of every newfangled institution,” he said.
Illustration: Museum of London/Heritage Images/Getty.
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