Keep it a secret from those closest to you

  MAKE IT FUN!  

By Pam Young

New York Times Best Selling Author

Gazette Contributor

To listen to this essay while you do something productive with your hands go to www.makeitfunanditwillgetdone.com

When I got organized in the late seventies, I decided to keep my “project” a secret from my husband, kids, parents and best friend. I’d read that when you want to make a transitional change in your life, keep it to yourself and wait for “them” to come to you and say, “What’s happened to you?” or ”You seem happier and you’re always on time lately, what’s up?” 

What I discovered by keeping my mouth shut on my plans was I had more energy! There was a certain excitement in “my secret.” Also, those closest to us have heard us talk about needing to change, wanting to change and planning to change, so to make a chronic announcement, “This year, I’m going to get organized,” “lose weight” or “budget and get out of debt,” your friends and family are liable to say, “Yeah, sure Mable, what’s new?” 

I also think there is power in sharing your intentions with those who have the same goal. I’m so thankful for the platform I’ve created on the internet so we can help each other and share our triumphs as well as our failings. I’m just talking about keeping it a secret from our loved ones, until they start seeing results.

I was married to a very critical person and my disorganization affected our marriage and made it worse. As I got control of my routines and changed some very bad habits, my house was turned into a home. But the criticism didn’t stop. In fact his criticism began to stick out like a pimple on Gwyneth Paltrow’s nose. It made me know we have to change for ourselves and only for ourselves. It’s enlightened selfishness.

When I decided to lose 35 pounds and document my journey in The Mouth Trap: the butt stops here!, I kept it a secret from my friends and family for three months. Since I’m the one who cooks our meals and sets the table, I wanted to see how long it would take Terry (my second husband with not a critical bone in his body) to notice. He never noticed because non-critical people don’t notice much. I wanted to see how long it would take before he did. Curiosity has energy!  

Nelly, my inner child loved keeping the secret! We began to bond in a way I hadn’t counted on, because we discovered no one really cares about what we do until it affects them in a negative way! So we teamed up as best friends with our secret that nobody knew. 

I lost 17 pounds before Terry ever noticed! Of course when he did, Nelly had to open her big mouth and tell him how we knew he wouldn’t notice and that all he thinks about is HIMSELF! He didn’t like those words one bit, but in a very sweet voice he said, “It’s like when you have kids and they change so slowly you don’t notice because you see them every day.” I apologized for my selfish judgment, but that judgment gave Nelly and me such energy keeping it a secret.

If you are serious about changing, try keeping it a secret between you and your inner child.  You’ll be amazed at your new energy level.