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Friday, May 2, 2014

Millionaires Unite to Defeat Minimum Wage

The Borowitz Report

April 30, 2014



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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - A broad-based coalition of millionaires converged on Washington today to defeat a bill that would have increased the minimum wage for American workers to $10.10 an hour.

Leaving behind their mansions and yachts, the millionaires were motivated by what they saw as an existential threat to the country, Mitch McConnell, a spokesman for the millionaires, said.

“This was an extremely diverse coalition,” McConnell said, noting that everyone from the rich to the very rich to the super-rich united to vote down the bill.

McConnell hoped that today’s vote would burnish the millionaires’ reputation as “people who get things done.”

“Folks who have tried to pin a ‘do nothing’ label on us are dead wrong,” he said. “When it comes to stopping workers from being paid more, we spring into action.”

Photograph by J. Scott Applewhite/AP.

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