Monday, July 22, 2013

New law to replace Stand Your Ground

The Borowitz Report

July 22, 2013
boro-florida-post.jpg TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Opponents of Florida’s Stand Your Ground law are attempting to mobilize support for a new law called Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason.

The proposed law, which faces major opposition in the Florida legislature, would make it illegal for people in the state to shoot each other for no reason whatsoever.
“Under the provisions of Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason, you will be required to have an actual reason for shooting someone,” said a spokesman for the measure, Harland Dorrinson. “This will be a first in Florida.”

The controversial bill has already drawn the ire of the National Rifle Association, which issued a statement today saying that requiring someone to have a reason to shoot another person would violate the Second Amendment.

“If you force someone to have a reason to shoot someone, soon you will be taking away his right to shoot that person altogether,” the N.R.A. said.

“We are not in principle against the idea of having a reason to shoot someone,” the N.R.A. continued. “But we believe you should be allowed to shoot the person first and have the reason second.”

Even if Don’t Shoot Me for Absolutely No Reason somehow passes in the legislature, Florida Gov. Rick Scott said today that he would veto it, telling reporters, “Making people in Florida have a reason to shoot each other would fundamentally change our way of life.” 

Photograph by Education Images/UIG via Getty.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like the sun has melted brains in Tallahasee.

Anonymous said...

Do you even know what "Stand your ground laws" are for? They put the responsibility of a hostile contact on the bad guy, instead of the victim. Without this law, if Joe breaks into Bob's home, it would be Bob's responsibility to flee his own home instead of protecting his family and home. If he does not do his best to flee his own home, he could be charged with a felony for defending himself. "Stand your ground laws" make Joe, the bad guy, the one who bears the responsibility for his own actions and gives the victim the ability to protect himself and his property without facing criminal prosecution for doing so. These laws do not allow someone to shoot someone for no reason. That is nonsense! There is no state in the country where you can shoot people for no reason whatsoever and not be in trouble for doing so. With "stand your ground" you have the right to shoot someone who is violating the law, against you or another. His illegal actions against you is a reason for you to be able to defend yourself.