NEW HAVEN (The Borowitz Report)—After
a report from the Yale Center on Climate Change Communication showed
that the term “climate change” elicits relatively little concern from
the American public, leading scientists are recommending replacing it
with a new term: “You will be burnt to a crisp and die.” Other terms under consideration by the scientists include “your cities
will be ravaged by tsunamis and floods” and “earth will be a fiery
hellhole incapable of supporting human life.” Scientists were generally supportive of the suggestions, with many
favoring the term “your future will involve rowing a boat down a river
of rotting corpses.” “Any of these terms would do a better job conveying the urgency of the
problem,” Tracy Klugian, a spokesperson for the newly renamed Yale
Center for Oh My God Wake Up You Assholes, said.
Photograph by Mike Olbinski Photography/Corbis.
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