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Saturday, March 8, 2014

The slimey crooks at CPAC

Rand Paul speaks at CPAC last year. (photo: file)
Rand Paul speaks at CPAC last year. (photo: file)


By Charles Pierce, Esquire
07 March 14
ou have to hand it to the conservatives here at CPAC. They're a forgiving lot. They believe in second chances, even for felons. Why, just this morning, I heard a speech by a guy who sold missiles to a government that sponsored terrorism, lied about it, got convicted, and then dove like a scalded rat through a loophole. I watched a panel including a guy who, while working as police commissioner in New York, entangled himself in such baroque corruption that he ended up in the federal sneezer for 36 months. And, this afternoon, on a panel entitled "After Obama," we will be treated to the views of a guy who helped out a covert CIA agent, lied about it, got convicted, and then got pardoned.

There is no crime on the Right that cannot be forgiven -- except, maybe, supporting something this particular president proposes.

There is nothing more hilarious in public life than watching Ollie North give a speech.

Truly, it's a wonder to behold, because everything he says comes with its own mental subtitles if you remember what an absolute weasel the guy was the last time he got close to an actual center of power. Yesterday, he got in some discreet fag-baiting -- "Our armed forces and their families deserve better than to be treated like laboratory rats in some radical social experiment. The people of Ukraine are now paying the terrible price for America's leadership deficit disorder. We don't need a head of state that guts our defenses and draws phony red lines with a pink crayon. Yeah, I said that." Nice. Are you 12? -- he got around to talking about things that set the subtitles echoing.

"We need a congressional majority that will insist on the rule of law in Washington."

(The rule of law? You mean like when Congress forbids arms shipments to guerrillas and you find a way to fund it by soliciting money from Brunei, and from selling advanced weaponry to the mullahs in Tehran? That rule of law, or another one?)
"We The People can demand accountability for a string of horrendous scandals and coverups starting with Benghazi, the IRS enemies lists, and government spying on the American people and reporters."

(From North's testimony before Congress in 1987, according to then-Congressman Jack Brooks of Texas: "I was particularly concerned, Mr. Chairman, because I read in Miami papers, and several others, that there had been a plan developed, by that same agency, a contingency plan in the event of emergency, that would suspend the American constitution. And I was deeply concerned about it and wondered if that was an area in which he had worked. I believe that it was and I wanted to get his confirmation.")

"The president I was blessed to serve told us that we had a rendezvous with destiny."

(The president you were blessed to serve is the same president you sold out at your trial in order to stay out of jail and to the point that the wife of the president you were blessed to serve went out of her way to point out what a liar you are.)

After North drifted off the stage to wild applause, there was an extended panel session regarding a conservative response to the issue of prison reform. It was moderated by old pal Goodhair Perry from Texas - who earlier had wound some stems and burned some barns with his address to the faithful in which he proposed rolling the national government back to the Articles Of Confederation -- and it included Grover Norquist. To be completely fair, it was the most interesting panel of the weekend so far, even though it glided over the problem of how conservatives can pitch themselves as criminal-justice reformers at the same time that demagoguing criminality -- especially black criminality. See LaPierre, Wayne. -- still raises so much money and wins so many elections, especially at the local level. One of the other panelists was Bernard Kerik, whom Rudy Giuliani wanted to make the country's director of Homeland Security, but who wound up in prison for financial hocus-pocus that included improvements to his home. Kerik spoke from his experiences as a federal convict.

"A 21-year old black kid gets arrested in Baltimore for simple possession," Kerik said. "He gets tied into a conspiracy and gets 10 years. He's sent to prison for 10 years. During that time in federal prison, he really gets no education, no life-improvement skills. He learns how to lie, steal, cheat, gamble and fight. That's what they're taught. Then, by some illusion, we believe he's ready to go back out into the world.

"I taught a class. You gotta get your GED. You got to get an education. That kid looked at me and said, 'I'm black. I'm a convicted felon. That GED isn't going to help me ever.' There are guys in prison for minor whitecollar crimes. There are doctors. They have Masters. They have Bachelors. They can't get hired. If they can't hired, what chance does that 21-year old kid have? And the problem with that is that there are thousands upon thousands of men in prison. It's wrong for this country. It's wrong for this party."

This, at least, is somebody who has learned something from his own past. And, this afternoon, we get to hear Scooter Libby speculate on life after Obama. There are no crimes on the Right beyond forgiveness.

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