By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Introducing a new wrinkle into the already fraught fiscal cliff showdown, a consortium of billionaires today warned that if their taxes are raised they will no longer have enough money to buy politicians.
The group, led by casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson, commissioned a new study showing that the cost of an average politician has soared exponentially over the past decade.
While the American family has seen increases in the cost of food, health care and education, Mr. Adelson says, “those costs don’t compare with the cost of buying a politician, which has gone through the roof.”
The casino billionaire points to his group’s study, which puts the cost of purchasing an average House member at two million dollars and an average senator at several times that.
“And let’s say you buy a senator like Jim DeMint and he decides to quit,” Mr. Adelson says. “Good luck trying to get your money back.”
The Vegas magnate complains that the media has ignored billionaires’ essential role in giving jobs to politicians who would otherwise have difficulty finding “honest work of any kind.”
“Billionaires are providing employment for a group of seriously incompetent and marginal people,” Mr. Adelson says. “You raise taxes on us, and who’s going to create those jobs? I really don’t think people have thought this through.”
Adding insult to injury for America’s billionaires, he says, “the simple dream of someday owning a President is slipping out of reach.”
“People think a billion dollars buys you a President, but they’re wrong,” he says. “It
Photograph by Mark Wilson/Getty.
1 comment:
It seems everything is getting more and more expensive and if this includes politicians then so be it. Billionaires are billionaires because America let it get this way. We vote who is going to office and we vote on bills that say one thing but mean another. We want big box living, fast food and just enough peace so we don't have to worry about going to bed at night. If we would get back to the Ma, and Pa way to living we would all have plenty of work, a good home, new car with plenty to eat. Everyone needs to go back to the days where one family don't own and control the rest of us how we all live. Lets stop big business, big box living, and go back to the 5 & dimes, Western autos, Furniture stores, dry goods, clothing, & grocery stores when we all knew each other and no one yelled if the person in front of you took a little extra time to saying hello. Yep, who would want to strive to be a billionaire if the government will just tax it away from you.
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