Supremes give filthy rich OK to own government
April 2, 2014
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—By
a five-to-four decision, the United States Supreme Court earlier this week defended
the right of the wealthiest Americans to own the United States
government. Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts summarized the
rationale behind the Court’s decision: “In recent years, this Court has
done its level best to remove any barriers preventing the wealthiest in
our nation from owning our government outright. And while the few
barriers that remained were flimsy at best, it was high time that they
be shredded as well.” Citing the United States Constitution, Justice Roberts wrote, “Our
founding fathers created the most magnificent democracy in human
history. Now, thanks to this decision, the dream of owning that
democracy is a reality.” Justice Antonin Scalia also weighed in, telling
reporters at the Court, “After all the pro-gay decisions we’ve been
making around here lately, it was nice to finally have a win for the
good guys.”
Photograph by Larry Downing-Pool/Getty.
No comments:
Post a Comment