By Andy Borowitz
borowitzreport.com
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama received a stern lecture on foreign policy today from a man who almost started a war with Great Britain in July.
“When it comes to dealing with foreign countries, President Obama doesn’t have a clue,” said Mitt Romney, who during a summer visit to London caused the biggest international incident between the United States and Great Britain since the War of 1812. “Only I have what it takes to bring peace to the Middle East.”
Mr. Romney’s statement about his foreign-policy prowess drew an official response from British Prime Minister David Cameron, who in a tersely worded statement, said, “Hah, good one.”
But the G.O.P. nominee pressed on with this theme during several campaign stops today, saying that his trial by fire at the London Olympics had prepared him for foreign-policy challenges ahead.
“Dealing with something as straightforward as the Middle East will be like a day at the beach compared to a volatile tinderbox like England,” he said.
Mr. Romney also laid out his plans for bringing a lasting peace to the Middle East: “Right now, the region is chaos. Entire countries are in uproar, and they are focussing their anger on America. The only way for us to fix that is by attacking Iran.”
In other political news, the Dow Jones Industrial Average hit a four-year high, making Barack Obama the crappiest socialist in history.
Photograph by Lauren Lancaster.
No comments:
Post a Comment