Vladimir Putin in Tatarstan on 13 December. (photo: Mikhail Klimentyev/AP)
By "George Orwell," Reader Supported News
27 July 20
The following is satire. Laugh if you dare.
This Orwellian transcript of recent secret call between Vladimir Putin & Donald Trump was leaked jointly by FBI and KGB.
The following is satire. Laugh if you dare.
This Orwellian transcript of recent secret call between Vladimir Putin & Donald Trump was leaked jointly by FBI and KGB.
Trump: Hi Putie.
Putin: Donald, we have business to discuss.
Trump: Yes. We have now killed more than 150,000 Americans. Many, many more will soon die. I call it the China Virus. But Putie: people are starting to not like me.
Putin: Why would you care, Donald? You must merely invade their cities.
Trump: They are angry, even some of the white people.
Putin: From the virus most of the corpses are black and brown. The more the better. The deceased can no longer vote against you.
Trump: We have stripped the voter rolls. We will sabotage the mail delivery. We will flip the vote count.
Putin: Your troops in the cities on election day will guarantee that you have nothing to worry about.
Trump: We are also cutting off the subsidies to working people. Millions will be evicted and hungry.
Putin: And thus they will be unable to vote. This is what Adolf did when he burned the Reichstag. Then he invaded Poland, as you have invaded Detroit. They have naked bodies. You have tanks. You have death squads. You have Dachau.
Trump: Our agreement about you paying the Taliban to kill our soldiers in Afghanistan has become public.
Putin: We have been paying the Taliban up to $1 million each to blow up your vehicles. We are now raising the stakes.
Trump: How?
Putin: Our oligarchs want Afghan hunting trips to kill Americans. They will pay many rubles. They want trophies.
Trump: Like Junior shooting deer in Africa. What’s my cut?
Putin: We will use a sliding scale, as usual, depending on the race and rank of the dead. Just keep a herd of soldiers there for us to thin with clear rifle shots. These are sportsmen with scopes. They will not pay just to blow up trucks.
Trump: I need it to look like I’m pulling out of Afghanistan, like Obama didn’t. Only those of us with bone spurs deserve to live.
Putin: I love how you enjoy the mass death in your country. Think of the thrill it was for Adolf, Mao, and my Uncle Joe to kill so many millions.
Trump: You have an Uncle Joe?
Putin: He would be thrilled to see all you proud Americans brought to your knees by our wholly owned clown. You must disabuse them of this ridiculous notion of a democracy.
Trump: I’m killing the postal service. No one will get ballots.
Putin: And we will have a surprise for you in October. Not a little one. Just keep doing what I tell you.
Trump: I love surprises. I loved how that cop crushed that black guy’s neck. Next we get that son of a bitch Kaepernick.
Putin: It took Johnson and Nixon ten years in Vietnam to kill not even 60,000 Americans. You have doubled them in just four months. You should be very proud.
Trump: All those little brown children at the border camps.
Putin: In your old age homes, your prisons, your factories, your mass rallies, where we showed you how to mix the virus into the tear gas. For you, my Donald, COVID is the new Zyklon B.
Trump: Cyclone B? You mean like that hydroxy stuff I sell?
Putin: Your money is my money, Donald. I will tell you when and where to invest.
Trump: As President for Life, I will infect all who cross me. In the jails. On the streets. And soon in the schools, where we will kill many annoying teachers.
Putin: Our KBG and your FBI eliminate such obvious traitors.
Trump: I will turn the fake news reporters into the soap I use to clean your rubles.
(Both laugh)
Putin: We love you here in Russia, Donald. You are defined since birth by cruelty and greed.
Trump: Like you, Putie. We are more than mere humans.
Putin: Tsar Stalin worshipped Ivan the Terrible and Peter the Great. Both killed their own sons. Soon you will do the same … and your niece as well. Why have you let her live?
Trump: I was bankrupt. You saved me. Now let America go bankrupt. Let them grovel like I did.
Putin: And still do, Donald. Today those who occupy Trump Tower speak only the finest Russian.
Trump: Come to Mar-a-Lago, Vlady. You can take off your shirt and ride my horses. And my women.
Putin: As I will soon ride Europe. Your Bush destroyed Iraq and Afghanistan. Your Obama and Clinton destroyed Libya. We destroy Syria and Yemen. And their refugees destabilize Europe. Our virus turns the world to hateful chaos.
Trump: Hateful chaos. I love hateful chaos.
Putin: You must ethnic-cleanse the social democrats.
Trump: Crazy Bernie and all those kids could have cut us to pieces. Now we shoot them in the streets.
Putin: Social democrats are the ultimate enemy, Donald. Never let a Sanders or a Corbin win an election. Kill them if they do. Quickly.
Trump: I learned that at Wharton. The Kennedys, King, that Malcolm X guy. Kill them all.
Putin: And that Beatle, Lennon. That’s a name we Russians know well.
Trump: Really? Why?
Putin: Donald, we have business to discuss.
Trump: Yes. We have now killed more than 150,000 Americans. Many, many more will soon die. I call it the China Virus. But Putie: people are starting to not like me.
Putin: Why would you care, Donald? You must merely invade their cities.
Trump: They are angry, even some of the white people.
Putin: From the virus most of the corpses are black and brown. The more the better. The deceased can no longer vote against you.
Trump: We have stripped the voter rolls. We will sabotage the mail delivery. We will flip the vote count.
Putin: Your troops in the cities on election day will guarantee that you have nothing to worry about.
Trump: We are also cutting off the subsidies to working people. Millions will be evicted and hungry.
Putin: And thus they will be unable to vote. This is what Adolf did when he burned the Reichstag. Then he invaded Poland, as you have invaded Detroit. They have naked bodies. You have tanks. You have death squads. You have Dachau.
Trump: Our agreement about you paying the Taliban to kill our soldiers in Afghanistan has become public.
Putin: We have been paying the Taliban up to $1 million each to blow up your vehicles. We are now raising the stakes.
Trump: How?
Putin: Our oligarchs want Afghan hunting trips to kill Americans. They will pay many rubles. They want trophies.
Trump: Like Junior shooting deer in Africa. What’s my cut?
Putin: We will use a sliding scale, as usual, depending on the race and rank of the dead. Just keep a herd of soldiers there for us to thin with clear rifle shots. These are sportsmen with scopes. They will not pay just to blow up trucks.
Trump: I need it to look like I’m pulling out of Afghanistan, like Obama didn’t. Only those of us with bone spurs deserve to live.
Putin: I love how you enjoy the mass death in your country. Think of the thrill it was for Adolf, Mao, and my Uncle Joe to kill so many millions.
Trump: You have an Uncle Joe?
Putin: He would be thrilled to see all you proud Americans brought to your knees by our wholly owned clown. You must disabuse them of this ridiculous notion of a democracy.
Trump: I’m killing the postal service. No one will get ballots.
Putin: And we will have a surprise for you in October. Not a little one. Just keep doing what I tell you.
Trump: I love surprises. I loved how that cop crushed that black guy’s neck. Next we get that son of a bitch Kaepernick.
Putin: It took Johnson and Nixon ten years in Vietnam to kill not even 60,000 Americans. You have doubled them in just four months. You should be very proud.
Trump: All those little brown children at the border camps.
Putin: In your old age homes, your prisons, your factories, your mass rallies, where we showed you how to mix the virus into the tear gas. For you, my Donald, COVID is the new Zyklon B.
Trump: Cyclone B? You mean like that hydroxy stuff I sell?
Putin: Your money is my money, Donald. I will tell you when and where to invest.
Trump: As President for Life, I will infect all who cross me. In the jails. On the streets. And soon in the schools, where we will kill many annoying teachers.
Putin: Our KBG and your FBI eliminate such obvious traitors.
Trump: I will turn the fake news reporters into the soap I use to clean your rubles.
(Both laugh)
Putin: We love you here in Russia, Donald. You are defined since birth by cruelty and greed.
Trump: Like you, Putie. We are more than mere humans.
Putin: Tsar Stalin worshipped Ivan the Terrible and Peter the Great. Both killed their own sons. Soon you will do the same … and your niece as well. Why have you let her live?
Trump: I was bankrupt. You saved me. Now let America go bankrupt. Let them grovel like I did.
Putin: And still do, Donald. Today those who occupy Trump Tower speak only the finest Russian.
Trump: Come to Mar-a-Lago, Vlady. You can take off your shirt and ride my horses. And my women.
Putin: As I will soon ride Europe. Your Bush destroyed Iraq and Afghanistan. Your Obama and Clinton destroyed Libya. We destroy Syria and Yemen. And their refugees destabilize Europe. Our virus turns the world to hateful chaos.
Trump: Hateful chaos. I love hateful chaos.
Putin: You must ethnic-cleanse the social democrats.
Trump: Crazy Bernie and all those kids could have cut us to pieces. Now we shoot them in the streets.
Putin: Social democrats are the ultimate enemy, Donald. Never let a Sanders or a Corbin win an election. Kill them if they do. Quickly.
Trump: I learned that at Wharton. The Kennedys, King, that Malcolm X guy. Kill them all.
Putin: And that Beatle, Lennon. That’s a name we Russians know well.
Trump: Really? Why?
Putin: (Rolling his eyes) Your germ warfare laboratory in Ohio invented the virus. I dumped it on Wuhan. Now it thins my enemies and lets you obliterate your fall election.
Trump: I secretly breathe in garlic and onions. I take zinc and vitamin C. Nobody else knows, Putie.
Putin: You have 340 million people. We have only 140 million. We must even the playing field.
Trump: I force them back to school. I blame their governors and invade their cities.
I have invested in body bags. I pocket their relief money and kill their health care.
Putin: The world’s richest country can’t get masks, tests, protective clothing, hospital beds, respirators, medicines.
Trump: Jared confiscates them, you and I profit.
Putin: You have a trillion-dollar military, yet your people die like dogs.
Trump/Putin: (Both laugh.)
Putin: Destabilize, depress, divide, impoverish, destroy. Nobody can gather, organize, raise funds, arouse a social movement. You, a nation of huggers, can’t touch. Or vote.
Trump: But Putie, sometimes I have to make a show of opposing you so people don’t think we have these talks, or that you own me outright. I hope you don’t mind.
Putin: Yes, well listen Donald, I have an execution to arrange.
HE BREAKS INTO AN ANGRY RUSSIAN RANT TRANSLATED AS:
Do what you want, you fat, stupid blowhard. We are
burying you and your obsolete nation in your own imperial dung. Soon
your cement shoes will sink you to the bottom of the Volga.
Trump: Oh, thank you, Vladimir. We’ll meet again at Mar-a-Lago, Presidents for Life.
Putin: And while you swim with the fishes I will show who really runs your former United States of America. Dos Vedanyah …
Trump: Oh, thank you, Vladimir. We’ll meet again at Mar-a-Lago, Presidents for Life.
Putin: And while you swim with the fishes I will show who really runs your former United States of America. Dos Vedanyah …
Trump (besotted): Bye, Putie. Give my best to Jeffrey Epstein. Ghislaine will soon be with him.
Sometimes a picture really is worth 1,000 words.
The completion of Harvey Wasserman's Spiral
of US History awaits Trump's departure. His radio shows are at
prn.fm and KPFK-Pacifica. To join the COVID-19 Emergency Election
Protection Zoom Calls, contact him via www.solartopia.org.
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