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Sunday, September 20, 2015

Bummed Walker unable to show he memorized the three branches of government



DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report)—Assessing his performance in the aftermath of the second Republican Presidential debate, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said he was “saddened” that he never got a chance to show that he had memorized the three branches of the federal government.

“If you do all of that homework and nobody even knows that you did it, what’s the whole point of doing it in the first place?” Walker, who was campaigning in Iowa, said. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t suck.”

Walker said he had memorized the three branches in the hopes of dazzling the audience with his knowledge of the inner workings of the federal government, but “there just didn’t seem to be a good time to get it all in.”

“If Jake Tapper had asked something about the size of the federal government, for example,” Walker said, “then I would have been like, ‘It’s three branches big, Jake. Those branches are: executive, being the President; legislative, being Congress; and judicial, being courts.’”

“I would’ve nailed it,” he added.

Walker acknowledged that he might get another chance to talk about the three branches of government at the next Republican debate, in October, but said that he would probably have to learn them all over again by then.

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