Time to address post-gala violence

May 13, 2014

Posted by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Experts are calling for a national conversation about post-gala violence, which many say is a growing epidemic among America’s wealthiest gala attendees.

 

Dr. Davis Logsdon, who, for the past decade, has been studying post-gala violence at the University of Minnesota, says that a national conversation about post-gala skirmishes is “long overdue.”

 

“For years, post-gala violence has been America’s dirty little secret,” he says. “The media haven’t covered it, and government has offered no solutions. That’s why this moment is such a valuable wake-up call.” 

 

Dr. Logsdon says that the key to preventing post-gala violence is “first understanding its root causes.” 

 

“Galas are very stressful situations,” he says. “Attendees have spent thousands on gowns and spa treatments, and tens of thousands more on silent-auction items. All of that pressure has to go somewhere. More often than not, it erupts into violence.” 

 

He credits the national media, especially TMZ, for finally shining a light on one of the nation’s biggest problems. 

 

“As regrettable as this incident was, if it results in people talking seriously about post-gala violence, it will all have been worth it,” he says.

Photograph of Solange Knowles by Paul Bruinooge /PatrickMcMullan.com/AP.