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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

NSA uncovers 30-40,000 extramarital affairs

The Borowitz Report

June 17, 2013


nsa-fathers-day-post.jpg
By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans sent over a hundred million Father’s Day messages on Sunday, the National Security Agency reported today.
 
The hundred-million number, while robust, falls short of the hundred and twenty million Mother’s Day messages collected by the N.S.A. in May.

The difference between the two figures is “not surprising,” said N.S.A. director General Keith B. Alexander. He added, “On the whole, mothers take Mother’s Day more seriously—if the e-mails we read by mothers whose children forgot are any indication.”

General Alexander said that the agency collected in the neighborhood of two to three million such e-mails from angry mothers this year.

The N.S.A. director added that the agency had not foiled any terror plots over the weekend but did uncover between thirty and forty thousand extramarital relationships.


Above: General Keith Alexander. Photograph by Mark Wilson/Getty

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

that was right on!!

Z

Anonymous said...

So Prism does have a function. Thank you Jesus!


/Sarc off.