With the news that Donald Trump has been indicted and will soon be arraigned in New York City,
it’s easy to forget the betrayal at the heart of his legal troubles.
Trump shtupped an adult film star (allegedly!) just after his wife was
through gestating their giant son. (If that kid went the rest of his life answering every question about his gross, venal father with a perfunctory “I am Groot,” he would become everyone’s favorite Trump overnight. Think about it, young dude. You’re already the world’s second-best Trump by default, but you could become an effin’ legend.)
While Barron may have grown to a Grootian height of 6 feet, 7 inches
in order to ensure his father notices him among the twisted, flaming,
entrail-festooned wreckage of his immediate family, it’s Ivanka who’s
always been the apple of Trump’s disquietingly concupiscent eye. And she
appears to be, well, mostly done with her father’s extralegal
shenanigans.
According to People magazine—which,
much like the Nobel Committee, never named Trump the Sexiest Man Alive
(that would be Niels Bohr for his groundbreaking work on quantum
ear-hair waxing)—Vanky and Donald are more or less splitsville these
days.
One “social source” told People, “Even though Ivanka loves
her dad, she knows how impossible he can be.” The source also said
Ivanka is focused on raising her children and settling down in Miami and
is “through with politics.”
Of course, that’s not a huge surprise. Ivanka said essentially the same thing in November—without
the “he’s impossible” bit—when her father launched his campaign to ruin
everyone’s lives for another four years. But it’s clear now that she’s
followed through and doubled down.
“I love my father very much. This time around I am choosing to
prioritize my young children and the private life we are creating as a
family,” she stated in November. “I do not plan to be involved in
politics. While I will always love and support my father, going forward I
will do so outside the political arena.”
Oh, great. Well, glad you get to move on, Dr. Frankenstein.
Unfortunately, the pumpkin-spiced grotesquerie you helped stitch
together out of abattoir sweepings and skin tags is still at large.
According to insiders, Ivanka has spent recent months traveling with her family and trying to ignore the negativity around her.
“She misses her active social life in New York, but is enjoying Miami
and all that it has to offer,” the social source says. “She has started
over and pursues interests in business, design, and being involved in
the lives of her children.”
As far as the legal problems facing her father, the source says Ivanka is aware there is nothing she can do.
Well, if there’s nothing you can do, just you never mind then. And
it’s so nice to hear she’s trying to ignore the negativity around her.
So are we. Sadly, we’re all pretty far down the waiting list for the
Saudi space ark Ivanka and her family will get to hop on when the Earth
finally burns thanks to her dad’s benighted policies.
But sure, Vanky. Pop in a daily affirmations tape, have a spot of chamomile tea, and kick back with some of your husband’s mysterious $2 billion windfall. He must be, like, the best businessman ever. Life’s a dream, right?
Meanwhile, Trump’s putative wife, Melania, seems even less concerned
with Trump’s fate than his daughter Ivanka is. She’s still reportedly
angry with Trump over the Stormy Daniels affair, which is
understandable. Though even more understandable would be Ivanka’s distaste over being compared—however favorably—to the adult film star Trump was fixin’ to defile.
According toa new report, Melania remains “angry” at her husband over the alleged affair he had with porn starStormy Daniels,which could result in his beingindictedby
the Manhattan district attorney’s office at some point in the near
future, thanks to the hush money he paid to keep Daniels quiet in 2016.
(Though the ex-president has denied sleeping with the adult-film star,
he has admitted to the $130,000 dealbrokeredby his former personal lawyerMichael Cohenon theeve of the 2020 election, which Trump subsequentlyreimbursedCohen
for during his first year in office.) And while it doesn’t seem
unreasonable for Melania to still be upset about her husband allegedly
cheating on her—just months after she gave birth,according to Daniels—her
negative feelings for him apparently run so deep that she doesn’t seem
to give a f--k if he is criminally charged. The former first lady, a
source familiar with the matter toldPeople,“wants to ignore” the whole thing and “hopes it will pass,” but “doesn’t sympathize with Donald’s plight.”
Not only that, but, according to the
same source, the former FLOTUS really wouldn’t be put out in the
slightest if her spouse did time behind bars. “Melania loves the
beautiful weather and resort town atmosphere of Palm Beach,” this person
told reporterLinda Marx.“She
is happy when she is in Palm Beach. She has her son and other close
family members. They are tribe-like and usually stick together. Despite
what happens to Donald, she will be fine. She is well taken care of.”
Hey, very few of us live in Palm Beach, but I have a feeling the weather will be beautiful everywhere if and when Trump actually goes to prison.
I’m no meteorologist, but I sure can predict that.
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